Life Lately
In 2022, my husband and I decided we were ready to move out of our home in Bend, OR and head back to the East Coast. I had been on the West Coast for 11 years, and my husband had been there for 15. Our time spent there was wonderful, but we knew it was time to go back and be with our family and friends in Massachusetts while our kids are little.
There were a lot of factors that led to us making that decision, but it really came down to wanting to be closer to our people. My husband lost his father last fall, and during the 2020-2022 time a lot of our close friends moved out of Bend. We were tired of FaceTime and missing important life events for our friends and family. We found ourselves constantly wanting to go home, and really struggling to feel supported in Oregon. Our circle of local friends was much smaller than it had been, and it felt like we were being duped on this whole ‘village’ people talk about when it comes to raising kids.
We were quiet about our decision while we figured out what a cross-country move would look like; when we would move, where we would be living, how to transition our businesses, how to move our kids away from school and friends. There were a ton of factors, and it took us the better part of a year to lock down all of the details. Even with that much time and preparation, when summer came and the move process began, it all felt like an uncontrollable mess.
My husband and I have moved a lot in our relationship. We’re not afraid to try something new, we love adventure, we know we’re resilient and can handle change. However, this move was on a different scale. Two kids, two dogs, two businesses. It was so much more to deal with than with previous moves, and it took a toll. Our family was split up for the entire summer when we thought it would be 3-4 weeks, we had delayed shipping containers, broken furniture, a house on the market that wasn’t selling, financial setbacks, and a disastrous drive across the country for my husband. It felt like everywhere we turned, something was going wrong. We spent a lot of time questioning our choices and wondering if we made the wrong decision.
So how did we get here?
My kids flew with me from Oregon to Massachusetts in early July. We have been working on something exciting for our next home, so we are staying at my parent’s house in the meantime. My husband stayed in Oregon with our two dogs to finish packing and to finalize a few things at the house before he would drive to Massachusetts.
We thought we would be apart for a few weeks, maybe a month. July and August came and went. As the temperature started to drop and we were getting ready for Olivia to start school, I was getting more and more fed up with our situation. Our youngest went through a really tough transition period and didn’t sleep through the night for most of the summer (time zone change, new house, new crib, didn’t have his Dad or his dogs, etc). I was beyond exhausted, and we were all missing Chris desperately. When he was finally able to leave, we were so relieved. Unfortunately, he had the most frustrating driving experience where so many things went wrong. I’ll spare the details, but it was incredibly challenging - physically, mentally, and financially. It was rough, but we were finally together, and that was such a relief for all of us.
I think the part that felt the most challenging for me while we were apart was not getting into a routine, especially with work. I was exhausted every day from hardly any sleep, and if I did get an opportunity to work, I could barely function or get words down on paper. I repurposed past emails and old content, and put a pause on the majority of my services. In doing so, I felt like I lost a part of myself. I love what I do, I believe it’s what I am meant to do, and without it I felt an identity shift.
I love being home with my kids, and this may be an unpopular opinion but I’ve never wanted to stay at home full time. I give so much to my kids that I feel like there’s no room for me. If you’re a parent I’m sure you can relate. It takes a huge toll on me mentally, and I am someone who needs alone time and quiet time to work to feel like my best self. I knew things would shift when Chris got here, and every time the timeline got pushed I felt like I was losing hope.
Once Chris was here, we thought we could hit the ground running and everything would be back to normal. Once again during this process, our expectations did not align with reality. The second half of 2023 has felt like one step forward and five steps back. Every time something would go right, there would be an immediate hit. I’m going to be totally honest here and say that there were times where it was very challenging to keep our spirits up. Moments of thinking we should go back to Bend, moments of thinking we should go somewhere new, moments of wondering what in the world are we supposed to do?
But that’s not the entirety of what life has looked like here. During the summer the kids and I spent most of our days at the beach, we are with our family every single day, we run into friends at random places and can see our people whenever we’d like to. Our kids were meant to live at the beach, and it's a challenge to keep Logan out of the water, no matter the temperature. The highlights of moving are everything we hoped it would be: time with family, time with friends, time with the ocean.
On the upside, we are so very fortunate to have our families and friends and the support system here. I am especially grateful to my family for letting my wild circus overstay our visit. The next house we are planning to purchase is taking much longer than expected, partly because our house in Oregon still hasn’t sold. That has truly been the hardest part of all of this; we’re at a standstill until our house sells, and no one was expecting it to take this long. I kept putting off this blog post because I thought I should wait until I had all this great news and exciting updates to share, but that isn’t how 2023 is ending for us. We thought our house would sell months ago, we’d be in our new place by now, and we could share all the exciting things we have planned.
That doesn’t take away how grateful we are to be here, especially during the holiday season. We get to wake up on Christmas morning with my whole family, we don’t have to travel, we get to attend all the family parties and spend time with friends and not worry about shipping presents across the country in time. My kids get to spend every day with their uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all the non-family members who are so special they’ve become honorary aunts, uncles, and cousins. We got to watch our niece win the state volleyball championships, we got to attend the birthday party of my best friend’s son, I got to attend my good friend’s baby shower, and we got to spend Thanksgiving with people we haven’t spent a holiday with in years.
So while there have been many ups and downs and I wish I could be writing this post with the shiny exciting news of a new house and grand adventures to come, I’m writing this with a happy heart knowing that even if our life may look different than we thought it would come December, our lives are full, abundant, and happy. An important reminder I’ve kept close is that the path to your dreams isn’t always linear, and there’s always space for gratitude.
We are looking forward to 2024 and the greatness it may bring. All we can do is continue to work towards our dreams, have faith in ourselves, and stay aligned with our values in the process. Spending time with our kids, our families and our friends has been what keeps us going. The beach certainly helps too.